Big Fat Me

Well.... The diet's not going too well for some reason?? I mean...this week,i stayed the same weight..which means that since starting me diet 3 weeks ago...i am actually 1lb heavier!!

I know what ya all thinking ''She must be stuffing her face,lardass''
But,honestly im not! I would'nt mind if i had been,but iv'e been eating really healthily,(except the odd sunday...it's a weekend thing!!)..So,i should be losing right??

Oh well... see what next week brings....hopefully,when i get on the scales,it wont read ''too be continued''....

And....i would just like to point out one other thing!
I had a email from some random called 'john'...who thought he would like to point out that i look like ''ten ton tessie'' (how original!) So...if ya reading this 'john'...
i would just like to point out.its not possible to weigh ten tons!! If i was that heavy i would be 1,575 stone!! And...Dead!!
...And one of the reasons im so fat ,is because ,I'm training to become a chinese bum wrestler!!

xMwahx

Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Whadda ya mean..im fat n all?
Where do you get the glaring light
To make my clothes look way too tight?

I think I’m fine ,but I can see
You won’t co-operate with me,
The way you let the shadows play
You’d think my hair was getting grey.

What’s that, you say? A double chin?
Nah, that’s the way the light comes in!
If you persist in peering so
You’ll confiscate my facial glow,

And then if you’re not hanging straight
You’ll tell me next I’m gaining weight,
I’m really quite upset with you
For giving this distorted view;

I hate you being smug and wise
Oh, look what’s happened to my thighs!
I warn you now, Oh mirrored wall,
Since we’re not on speaking terms at all,

If I look like this in my new jeans
You’ll find yourself in smithereens!!

''Forgive me 'WEIGHT WATCHERS',for i have sinned bow's head .......

I have got a attack of the 'munchies' thing going on here!!....... eating lemon bakewell...yum

Dropped a bit on keyboard

Thing is...i know i shouldn't be eating it.....but im hungry! And a yoghurt or rice cake just don't feel like food!!! Already,am i thinking of what to eat next? Having conversations in me head about what to have!!

Its purely psychological though...isn't it...so it should be mind over matter???

But...... my willpower breaks as easily as a 'kit kat' !! mmmm...kit-kat

Damn that Colombian sweet tobacco...a dieters nemesis!!

...now...where did i hide that chocolate??....

xMwahx

Well....being 'fat'.i find that i am constantly asked (by ignorant wankers) ''Why are you so fat?''...and because im so shocked they have had the nerve to ask...i find myself....lost for words!!

So...i decided to think up some 'comebacks',for the next time that i am asked.....

''Why are you so fat??'''

...Someone has to make you feel better about being so ugly, so I got fat....

....'cause every time I %$^& your dad,he gives me a biscuit!

....Because..Fat people are harder to kidnap!

....Because I usually eat people who ask me that question.

...''While working at McDonald’s, as a teenager, I took full advantage''

... Im trying to imitate your mum, and it seems like its working!

.... ''i was at the top of the food chain way too long!''

...''So I can squash you when I sit on you.''

...So ugly bastards like you dont fancy me!!''

...''I could ask you the very same question, lardbucket''

..."my hieght just hasn't caught up to my weight yet"

"My weight can be fixed. Unfortunately, your face can't."

...''I'm going into hibernation.''

...''I need the extra fat to take the ugly contest crown from your Mum/girlfriend, she has been the winner 3 years in a row.''

...''Don't worry I'll be trimming the pounds soon ...cause your face makes me want to puke.''

Anyway...i got brain ache now!! Laters1

xMwahx

Even the dictionary takes the p**s outta us fatties!! This a few idioms and word's i found in the 'collins english dictionary'

Chew the fat ...to have a long friendly conversation with someone
''I spent the night 'chewing the fat,the pork had loads of it!' ''

Fat chance! informal

''Do you think Mel will ever lose weight?'' She asked. ''Fat chance!'' She replied!!

It's not over until the fat lady sings. informal

'' And as they say, it's not over until the fat lady sings''

a fat lot of good/use informal

'I'm going to tell her exactly what I think of her...skinny biatch!!.' I said...''A fat lot of good that'll do you!'' she retorted!

fat ;noun

The substance under the skin of people and animals that keeps them warm,....and what your body becomes when you eat way too much!

fat (FLESHY) noun

Having a lot of flesh on the body
''My weight's normal ....but everyone insists im fat''.
Fat can also mean thick or big: a fat telephone book

heavy (adjective)weighing a lot

''Wow! You are well heavy ain't ya?!'' Said Shane as he tryed to give me a leg up!

heavy-set

''yeah,you know Mel,the 'heavy set' girl from the 'chippy' ''

Well...here are a few off my words from 'the fatties dictionary'

Flabulous ;adjective

To be overweight and still be beautifull !

Fattitude;

Too have a fat attitude on life !

Thinspiration; verb

The belief we hold that one day...we will be thin!

Fattery; noun

The abuse we get for being fat!

Infatuated;adjective

As ..in love with...like.... chocolate!

And they do say ''your'l be eating your words'' !!..

xMwahx

I just found this article online and could'nt help but smile... all the wording in brackets is my own take on it ok......

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New Year's resolutions are meant for breaking. Why deprive yourself of the joys of chocolate? And if you have resolved to join a gym but don't really want to , (like.who does) there is another way to work out.

It won't involve spinning or free weights, but it could certainly include your own 'personal trainer'. Fighting the flab in your love life is a must. (really??)

If you have not so much as broken a sweat in the bedroom for months, it's time to get cardio.

The right kit

As any athlete will tell you, the right kit is essential (good body..great t**s... (thats me at a handicap straight off!) . Review your bedroom-wear and lingerie and throw out anything that doesn't fit ( thats my whole wardrobe then....post xmas bulge!!) , doesn't make you feel sexy when you wear it, or is, ahem, worn out.

In a world where everyone is busier and more tired (see....i told ya...ya beds for sleeping in!) , slipping on something slinky can do wonders to jump-start the mood for love.

You may be lucky enough to get something silky or lacy for Christmas;( yeah right...more like summat cheap n tacky ,n from the market) but failing that, the New Year sales should help you get more for your money. (it would help me if there was something in the sales thats wasn't either, too expensive, crap or size ZERO!!)

You can unveil your new purchases as part of a surprise seduction for your partner, or take him with you to get his imagination running wild. Just don't get caught trying to sneak him into the fitting room.

Don't forget to try new styles - there are some beautiful camisoles, French knickers and basques around now. Stockings and suspenders are a must for every girl. ( you seen my thighs??)

Matt-finish stockings are more flattering. Practise trying them on - and peeling them off - ( fuck...it's laddered!)before you put them into action, and you will feel like a Bond girl.

New tricks

A night away from home can be the perfect way to re-ignite passion(after the big row on the way down about the crap 'map reading'!). There is nothing like a cosy room and a big bath to relax and inspire.

Alternatively, cook a special dinner at home,( yeah...pierce the lid, high for 5 minutes,shake,stand for 1 minute) light candles and talk about your first date. Remember how madly attracted you were to each other and there's a good chance you will relive the feeling.(ummmm...how long ago was this 'feeling' there??)

Welcome your partner home by greeting him in lingerie and a smile.(LMAO) Just make sure it's not the gas man.(hmmmm ...) Chaps can seduce their girls with a glass of fizz,(asti spumante) a bubble bath and massage. Kiss every inch of her and she may find it impossible not to do the same back.

Finally, shop together for toys that bring new experiences for you both.( yeh,,,im a whizz at scrabble!)

You don't have to swing from the chandeliers (good job...me joist's aint that strong) to have a good time, but something as simple as a blindfold and a jar of honey could make 2008 a year to remember.

***********************

Well..... whadda ya know!!

xmwahx

Well....it was ' weigh in ' day today!!...and im not a happy bunny!!
After being good (that means eating 'healthy stuff'') ALL week,i was dissapointed to discover that i had PUT on 2 lbs!

I even tryed moving the scales around,breathing in ,removing clothing and standing on one leg...made no effing difference! And..it had a new battery in it aswell!
If i don't lose weight soon,i will end up with more chins than a chinese phone book!!

Will have to try EXTRA hard next week...won't I !!

Although...i did wonder if my job is making me fat?? I work in a 'chippy' see....AND i don't eat it either...so...it must be the all the grease in the air absorbing into my skin!!
Thats why im fat...see.... i told ya i did'nt overeat!!

xMwahx

Well....it was me day off yesterday, so i decided to go into town to get a few bits n pieces!
I had been given some shopping vouchers for xmas for a 'well known' lingerie shop!!
And as they had a sale on , decided to go have a nose and see what i could find.

After much searching,i finally found a black negligee thingy,and it was my size!!
I mean,it had to look better than my greying, floor length nightie, it doesn't exactly say 'Take Me'!!

So....i decided i had better try it on first...and boy,am i glad i did!!
Even with the magic mirrors and good lighting they seem to have in changing rooms,i could see it looked awful.....i mean...slug in a straw springs to mind!!

So,that was a no-no!! Right,i thought,i will have a look at the knickers!! I mean,if the label says it's a 18,its gotta fit ...right??
Wrong!! Why do manufacturers think that fat women have long 'underneaths'?
The crotch came down to me knees,whats that all about?
So....owner of the 'well known' lingerie store...
yeh...ya 'rabbit' might be great...but ya sizing is shit!!

And as for this 'one size fits all' crap...purlease!!
Yeh,it fitted me like a glove...stuck out in 5 places!!

I hate shopping!!

xx Mwah xx

Hey there! And welcome to another episode of 'fat fighters',with me your host,and resident 'fatty'.... itsss millyyyy !!

Well...as you can prob tell from the heading,im slightly wrecked,so i am!!

That for me spells disaster! As soon as im piddled,i wanna eat..and eat!! I had been so good all week,and what with weigh in around the corner,and then i go blow it all in 1day!!

Firstly,i popped into see me mum,who had just cooked a big roast dinner!(you shud'a seen the crackling *drool's*) Resisted that,whilst OH was eating a full on roast,i had a ham sarnie!!

Secondly,I went to my sisters (who is like...half my size and eats like a pig) and resisted the urge to have a 'chinky' !
Then ,i got in,had a drink...and ate me way through most of my 'healthy living' cake bars,whilst silently saying to myself ''they are half fat though''!!

So...i'll probaly just have a 'weight watchers' ready meal for me tea then....followed by a sainsburys 'good for you' chocolate sponge pudding with 'tesco healthy living custard'..... then mcvities 'half fat' hobnobs with my 'options' cocoa before bed!!
WHADDA YOU MEAN...YOU THOUGHT I WAS ON A DIET!!!

how very dare you!!

Mwah xx

Well....i was having a discussion last night,yeh,about how we judge people and that,and it got me thinking about what/how people would judge me if i was'nt fat??

You wouldnt believe the amount of times that someone has made comments about my ''fatness''!!

For instance,you into bump some random bloke at tesco's,he...
A)Says ''Sorry luv',my mistake''.
*Tuts Loudly*
C) Says ''watch it ya fat cow''
D) Ignores ya!

Do you need to phone a friend?? Course not,cos as any ''overweight'' person know's,our fatness is the first thing we are judged on!!

Like the pretty,slim girl who works in the pub...lovely girl...but my god what a nose!!

Or the girl who could be a model....untill she opens her mouth! Bigger teeth than Bug's!!

So....what im trying to say really....is we all judge people on thier biggest physical flaw!! Nobody is perfect (although,im not far off)...at least not on the outside!!

And its what's on the inside that counts xxx

Well.... i got weighed today!! And i lost a WHOLE 1lb!! Can you believe that....i've been super good all week...i at LEAST deserved 2lb!!

So...for next week,im upping the ante,and am going to exercise....Yep,exercise!
OMG...The last time i was in the gym,puffing and panting,looking like billy bunter,trying to catch the fit instructor's eye whilst tripping on me shoelace ((shudders))
is something i just ain't going to repeat again!! Fact is,i only joined the gym in the first place cos the dox's gave me a fooking prescription for it! Active lifesyles my ass!!

And what with 'celeb' fitness dvd's,i tend to look like a loony whilst trying to 'put it all together'....so thats a no-no!

So,im gunna walk the dog....properly,with wellies and wax jacket thru fields of green!!
And that,is exercise!!

Laters
xxmwahxx

SUN
13
JAN Big Fat Me!!
** BIG FAT ME!!**

Friday 11th jan 2008

Well.....This ''blog'' is a insight into my 'battle with me bulge' !!

Having been big most of my adult life i decided that ,what with hitting me thirties((horror!!)),I would finally release the skinny girl in me!!

The stigma that comes with being FAT is one i dont want anymore!! The way people look at you when you get a takeaway for the family ( 'its not all mine...honest')....And getting a xmas card from the local takeaway!

So...its time to change who i am on the outside....because people only judge you by what you look like on the outside!!

I will be posting pics and progress...if there is any,as time goes by!!

Wish me luck all!!
Laters xxmwah xx

Sunday 13th jan 2008

PMS...Pissy Mood Snacks!!

Why is it that when someone puts us women in a Pissy mood do we wanna reach for the chocolate???

So far today ,i have refrained from Eating junk,etc,!! i even made soup for lunch....without bread!!

However....... I gotta feeling i will have eaten my way through the lunch box stuff before the day is out!!! Must be strong!!!

xxmwahxx