I just found this article online and could'nt help but smile... all the wording in brackets is my own take on it ok......

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New Year's resolutions are meant for breaking. Why deprive yourself of the joys of chocolate? And if you have resolved to join a gym but don't really want to , (like.who does) there is another way to work out.

It won't involve spinning or free weights, but it could certainly include your own 'personal trainer'. Fighting the flab in your love life is a must. (really??)

If you have not so much as broken a sweat in the bedroom for months, it's time to get cardio.

The right kit

As any athlete will tell you, the right kit is essential (good body..great t**s... (thats me at a handicap straight off!) . Review your bedroom-wear and lingerie and throw out anything that doesn't fit ( thats my whole wardrobe then....post xmas bulge!!) , doesn't make you feel sexy when you wear it, or is, ahem, worn out.

In a world where everyone is busier and more tired (see....i told ya...ya beds for sleeping in!) , slipping on something slinky can do wonders to jump-start the mood for love.

You may be lucky enough to get something silky or lacy for Christmas;( yeah right...more like summat cheap n tacky ,n from the market) but failing that, the New Year sales should help you get more for your money. (it would help me if there was something in the sales thats wasn't either, too expensive, crap or size ZERO!!)

You can unveil your new purchases as part of a surprise seduction for your partner, or take him with you to get his imagination running wild. Just don't get caught trying to sneak him into the fitting room.

Don't forget to try new styles - there are some beautiful camisoles, French knickers and basques around now. Stockings and suspenders are a must for every girl. ( you seen my thighs??)

Matt-finish stockings are more flattering. Practise trying them on - and peeling them off - ( fuck...it's laddered!)before you put them into action, and you will feel like a Bond girl.

New tricks

A night away from home can be the perfect way to re-ignite passion(after the big row on the way down about the crap 'map reading'!). There is nothing like a cosy room and a big bath to relax and inspire.

Alternatively, cook a special dinner at home,( yeah...pierce the lid, high for 5 minutes,shake,stand for 1 minute) light candles and talk about your first date. Remember how madly attracted you were to each other and there's a good chance you will relive the feeling.(ummmm...how long ago was this 'feeling' there??)

Welcome your partner home by greeting him in lingerie and a smile.(LMAO) Just make sure it's not the gas man.(hmmmm ...) Chaps can seduce their girls with a glass of fizz,(asti spumante) a bubble bath and massage. Kiss every inch of her and she may find it impossible not to do the same back.

Finally, shop together for toys that bring new experiences for you both.( yeh,,,im a whizz at scrabble!)

You don't have to swing from the chandeliers (good job...me joist's aint that strong) to have a good time, but something as simple as a blindfold and a jar of honey could make 2008 a year to remember.

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Well..... whadda ya know!!

xmwahx