Big Fat Me

Well...it's never a good idea to blog after ''having a few''

So...WTF am i doing??

I mean....to partake in the art of ''blogging'' whilst, technically speaking ''under the influence''...can only lead to one thing...Trouble!!

Because it makes you more truthful and open....not to mention the fact that you waffle alot!
And you find yaself saying what ya really wanna say!!

I mean.....what gives someone the right to take the piss outta me??
Do they think i have no feelings or emotions??
Do they think they are ''better'' than me?
Why can they say to other's, what they won't say to me?!

Well...do ya know what i think??....i reckon,they lead such,sad,boring little lives,that they feel the need to invade on mine and piss all over my day!!

So .... I have a message for you... kiss.... .my... (_(_) !!

ps....family and friend's...don't try to counsel me...im just pissed!!!

xMwahx

Hello!!

Well....i am in a really foul mood,and proper pissed off!!
My OH just got backed from work and said..

''did you feel anything last night?''

Referring to the 'earthquake'we had last night!..

''Nope'' i replied!

...Then he goes on to say how one of the blokes he works with said to him...

''Did your misses get outta bed last night''

The f*#cking cheek! I mean...yeh im fat...but as if i could cause an earthquake!! the earth ain't moved for me or because of me for a long time LOL!!

Well,apparently they exchanged words,but im the one who's left feeling like a twat! So...i told OH im gunna say summat to him...but oh,no,can't have that can we!! Because ''it's dealt with''!

So....now im not speaking to either of them!! *stamping feet*

And anyway...if i did give a shit...i'd give it to him!!

xMwahx

Reasons Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex

...I can GET chocolate.

..."If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.

...Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.

...You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.(but...if ya clever...you could...you know...)

...You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.

...You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.

...If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.

...You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.

...You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.

...With chocolate there's no need to fake it.

...Good chocolate is easy to find...and cheap!!

...You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.

...When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbours awake.

...With chocolate size doesn't matter....size does matter!!

Hello!!

Well.....as i have said before,i work in a shop,so meet alot of different strange.wierd,people everyday.
For the last year or so,this bloke has been coming in every thursday night.

He winks at me the minute he walks in the door and then flirts outrageously with me the whole time he's here!!....Of course,it's flattering,what woman wouldn't enjoy the flirty banter??....but that's all it is, banter!

Well......the other night,i saw him outside the pub having a cig with his mates,as i walked by,i said ''hi''.....only to be totally ignored! What was that all about??

So, next time he came in, i asked why he had ignored me....his answer??

''i was with my mates,was'nt i?''

''Ohhh,i get it now'' i replied....''im a bit like a moped then am i ....fun to ride till ya mates find out?''

He said nothing!

So mister...Look out...the fat mafia is looking for ya!! May i suggest hiding out in the gym...or maybe the organic foodstore...we wont look for you there!!

Shallow wanker!!

Hello again..

In a recent article ,Harry Potter author J.K.rowling,said that 'fat' jokes were. ''sick, insulting and strange''!

Talk about 'hypocritical behaviour' ....cos if she is against the idea of using 'fatness'...she should'nt stereotype fat people!!

Here are a few off the very same "strange and sick" fat insults for all they were worth in her portrayal of Dudley Dursley, Harry's fat cousin and muggle enemy!!.

So what fat insults does she write in her books then...lets have a looky!!

That fat people are lazy, stupid, gluttonous, angry, will-less, pigs.
Think I'm exaggerating?

Here are some quotes from her books:
"Dudley looked a lot like Uncle Vernon. He had a large, pink face, not much neck, small watery blue eyes and thick, blond hair that lay smoothly on his thick, fat head....Harry often said that Dudley looked like a pig in a wig."
-

"Aunt Petunia obviously sensed danger too, because she said quickly, 'And we'll buy you another two presents while we're out today. How's that popkin?' Two more presents. Is that all right?' Dudley thought for a moment. It looked like hard work. Finally he said slowly, 'So I'll have thirty... thirty...' 'Thirty-nine, sweetums,' said Aunt Petunia. 'Oh.' Dudley sat down heavily and grabbed the nearest parcel."

-

His piggy little eyes were fixed on the television screen and his five chins wobbling as he ate continuously”

-

"Dudley looked furious and sulky, and somehow seemed to be taking up even more space than usual."

-
"Dudley had reached roughly the size and weight of a young killer whale"-

"Dudley who had already finished his own grapefruit quarter was eyeing Harry's with a very sour look in his piggy little eyes"

-
She also had Dudley eating candy dropped on the floor, growing wider than he is tall, and to really hammer home the pig analogy, Hagrid, grows him a pig's tail,
"Dudley was dancing on the spot with his hands clasped over his fat bottom, howling in pain. When he turned his back on them, Harry saw a curly pig's tail poking through a hole in his trousers....

''Meant ter turn him into a pig, but I suppose he was so much like a pig anyway there wasn't much left ter do." said Hagrid!

.....J.K., you are a big, "fat" hypocrite''.....

But...a bloody good author!! LOL!

xMwahx

Well...i have to have a moan again...sorry!!

It's just that i am pissed off with the way i am judged because i am fat!!

As you all know,i work in a shop,so as part of my job,i mingle with the clients!!

Anyway,i get this lad in,quite cute,funny,etc...and we chat!

.... Or at least we did do till he came in with his missus!

She shot me daggers the minute i opened me gob! Then,looked me up and down and smirked!!
As if to say ''You ain't no threat''!

I mean ,lets be fair...she might have a great figure and a good pair of ''funbags''....
But ...she ain't no oil painting either...i might be fat,but im not pig ugly!! (modest,yes!!)

Anyway....why skinny dip...when you can chunky dunk!!

xMwahx

''Serious about losing weight? We can help!
Phone xxxxxxxxxx for a FREE 1hour session''

Thats what the advert in the local rag read.....so,i rang the number and was told times/dates etc,and i decided to go along....had nothing to lose (except excess body weight!)

Anyway,i got there,and was lead into a room ,that was full of ''large women''(looked like a roly poly audition!!).... and listened as she explained about how the diet works......and then came the bombshell.....she wanted nearly £70 of us a WEEK in return for some cup a soup's and milkshakes,and a weekly conselling session that explained to us why we are fat...like i don't know already!! (people like her are the reason im on medication!!)

She then went on to say that you don't eat anything other than theses 'sachets' that were provided from her,and if you did'nt think you could do it,then it was'nt for you.... i got up,got me coat and left!!

Of course,i want to lose weight,but i don't wanna starve meself and i certainly don't wanna spend £70 a week!!

Back to the drawing board me thinks!!

xMwahx

Diet Facts!!

...A diet is a weigh of life.

...It's not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, it's the seconds!!

...It's something most of us do religiously: We eat what we want and pray we don't gain weight!!

... The problem with curbing our appetites is that most of us do it at the drive in window of McDonalds.

...The most fattening thing you can put in an ice cream sundae is a spoon.

...The biggest drawback to fasting for seven days is that it makes one weak.

...Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it.

...The toughest part of a diet isn't watching what you eat. It's watching what other people eat.

...Diets are for women who not only kept their girlish figure but doubled it!.

...A diet is when you have to go to some length to change your width.

...Many women reduce and reduce, yet still never manage to become a bargain.

...The best way to lose weight is by skipping ... snacks and desert.

...Most people gain weight by having intimate dinners for two...alone!!

...A diet is the modern-day meal in which a family counts its calories instead of its blessings.

...One guideline applies to fat and thin people alike: If you're thin, don't eat fast. If you're fat, don't eat - FAST.

xMwahx

Well...that is the question i frequently ask those around me!

I mean...lets be fair,am i expecting them to say.....

...''I can't tell dear ,you're blocking out the light"

...''Its your fat ass that makes your ass look fat''!

....Actually, you do look fat in those jeans...

....''Depends on how close im standing to you hun . Lets see ,ask me from across the street''.

....''Yes,but only when you stand next to anything!''

Well....of course they don't!! And ya know why....
..Coz they is liars!...cos they accept me for who i am ,not what size i am !!

xMwahx

Well....Good morning y'all!!

Quick update on the dieting thingy!!
I managed to lose a whole 1Lb this week...whoopee!!

Still,it's better than gaining! And,if i had'nt of lost that 1Lb,i might not of got into my car today ...

Because,some ejit parked sooo close to my door that there was no way i was squeezing my ass through the 2inch gap that was left!!

So...i had to go in through the passenger side ...and climb over!! Feeling like a total idiot as me ass got stuck on the gear stick.....summat i had'nt expierienced before LOL!!
Not since me teenage years anyway,but thats a whole different story...!!

Anyway,at least no-one saw me...i don't think!!

xMwahx

''One thing about fat women..is they will always sleep with you!!'

Now,thats what I overheard some moron saying to his mate outside the pub the other day!!

I wish I could say I hadn’t heard it before.

I wish I could say it was completely untrue.

Now, before you jump all over me, of course it isn’t true. Fat chicks don’t “always” do anything and if we did, I can imagine a lot of things that would come before bumping uglies with some spotty geek, whose parents may, strictly speaking, share more genetic material than usually considered acceptable in polite society.

So...before you air your opinions in public...moron...check that there is no fat girl behind you ...ok!

xMwahx

Well....im gunna start me blog off with a 'name and shame' session ok!!
Sorry if it sounds like im moaning...but...i suppose i am really!!

Firstly....message to 'phil'...you made a comment about the fact that i am separated from my husband and wondered if the reason behind it was my weight!
Well..... our vows didnt go summat like this...

''I take you to be my wedded wife. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part, or until you turn into an unfuckable fatty."
So...NO..that was'nt the reason....next question..asshole!!

Secondly...regarding the comment made from 'sam'.. ''Fat people freak me out. ''...we are just the same as you ya know!! We dont eat everything we see...you will be quite safe around us ya know!! ..lick's lips..

And thirdly....the snotty cow who 'tutted' and looked down her nose at me in mcdonalds today (went there for the kids...honest!)...how dare you!!
Take a look at yaself love...far from perfect,you look like you have had that many facelifts,ya talk out ya nose!!
'Can I borrow your face for a few days? My ass is going on holiday?''

So...assholes...dont judge me because of my size...and NO...i dont want butter with me rolls!!!

xMwahx