OMG!!

I almost had my bag snatched today!!

Was driving home when i this bloke flagged me down. He had kids in the car so i did'nt see him as a threat....How wrong was i !

I had assumed he had run out off petrol,and as he had kid's with him,i felt sorry for him.

Well...he opened my passenger door and asked '' You speak english'' ...well...obviously!

''yes'' I Replied

''I am from ukraine and baby dying,i money for hospital in nottingham''

''Have you run out of fuel'' i said.

''No,need money''

At this point i was a little taken aback to be fair! Told him that i did'nt have any money,which was true!

So...he decided to grab my handbag from off the passenger seat! Big mistake...my reactions are well quick when it comes to my things!
I pulled the strap from his hand, and asked..

''WTF do you think you are doing''

''I need money'' was his reply!

''Piss off'' was mine!

With that,he shut the door,and flagged down the next car...Unbelievable!

Dunno what was more stupid off me...stopping in the first place,or failing to punch the wanker!!

And...if i had money, i would of probably gave him some...sucker that i am!

xMwahx

Well...it's typical that it rains when the kids are on half term....

They are so bored and getting niggly with each other... i mean there is only so many DVD's you can watch,games to play and cakes you can bake!! And...it's only tooosday!!

Im slowly going crazier crazy i think! So...if any one has any ideas on how to stop the kids from killing each other....answers on a postcard please!!

xMwahx

Well.... i had 9 tags given to me yesterday,half of them i did'nt accept...with good reason!!

Among the 'Tags' were, Troll,Ugly,Fatc*#t and Lesbian!!

Now...what did i do to get those 'Tags' thrown at me eh??

I dunno

xMwahx

Hello.

A while ago i did a post about how the English Dictionary took the piss outta fatties......

Well....i just stumbled on this site..and they do it to!!

Here's a few of the ones that made me chuckle...

fatisfaction ...

The insecure pride like feeling of satisfaction after heroically humping a fat girl.

''That fat chick i pounded last night for 5 hours gave me 100% fatisfaction.''

fatisfying ...

The feeing you get after eating a great meal that leaves you fat and satisfied.

''That meal was so fatisfying.''

Fatkin's Diet....

Nickname for the Atkin's diet, a diet based upon eating large amounts of meat and disgusting fat, but not being able to eat rice or bread. People who are on this diet are probably going to die of heart failure later in their lives.

Fatish...

A fetish for larger sexual partners.

"Why on earth is Steve talking to that huge girl in the corner?"

"You've seen who he's been with in the past. he's got a fatish."

Fatitude ...

Rudeness or aggressive behavior derived from an obese person's assumption that their girth provides them with free license to get in your way, force you out of their way, or otherwise take advantage of your desire not to press up against their lard. Just because you take up more space does not entitle you to other people's space.

Fatist...

A belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the fat and skinny peoples achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own size is superior and has the right to rule others.
Hatred or intolerance of peoples of girth

''I was working out at the gym yesterday,and this, Fat fella came waddling in and god he smelt, I hate these people. They have to wear slip on shoes because they cant bend over and tie there laces.
Iknow what you mean , I wish they were all sent to an island far, far away and every one in this country could be fit and skinny''

If you find your self in this conversation you are a Fatist....

Salad Dodger...

A non offensive term referring to fat people.

Even though im a 'fatty' ...it made me chuckle!!

So...if you ever find yourself walking down the street,and some chav shout's at ya...

''Oi...you bagger, you is fugly. You minging,emo skank''

The 'Urban Dictionary can translate....

xMwahx

'Ello...

Well,it's the time of year that our quaint little town gets invaded....by travelers...or Pikeys...or Gyppo's...however you refer to them!

We have a 'Horse Fair' Pikey Parade thing Bi-Annualy,and they come from miles around to buy and sell utter shit and cheap lace their wares.

A chance for the women to find a shag 'The One' ,
Wearing so much fake tan they are orange,clothes designed for a hooker,and stilletto's caked in mud!! Oh,and the hula hoop earrings, It does have it's comedy factor!

I personally don't have 'owt against them, but it comes to summat when Tesco's are tagging the legs of lamb!!
And...all the local pub's close,and most of the shops....and not to mention the amount of cakes the bakery lost last year

People don't let their kid's go 'up street,you nail everything down and you definatly don't argue with them!!
You let them shout abuse at you,you ignore the rack of beef he just put in his pocket,i could go on....

Even the local police let them get away with more than ya average local would!...and that's not to mention the extra 100+ police that come for the day itself!
But...when i phone for 'Police assistance'..it takes them hours!

But...as they say...

''All the fun of the fair'' ....my arse!!

xMwahx

''Mum...i had a fight at school today''

''Why??''...

''Cos' he said you was 'Fat'...so i stamped on his toe''

''But...i am fat sweetheart''

Looks up at me....eyes open wide...as if to say ..''You know''...

Pure innocence!!

xMwahx

Evening !

Hope you have all enjoyed your weekend...mine's has been intersesting....but,if you spent the day with my family...your's would have been the same!!

Love them as i do..we are slightly dis-functional

I mean.... If some random shoved a take-away menu in my face ...along with the words....
''Mmmm.....Smell it milly'' ....like im that Fat i'd eat the damn thing...i'd give em what for but,as it was family...it don't matter..!!

And....Who else would talk about his arse being nice and pert as ''it gets a good workout''...one of my dis-functional siblings

And.... who else would come out with.. '' Is uncle_______ a lesbian??''

Yep...my dis-functional family....

But....i laugh harder when i am with them....than i do when im not!!

You rock my world! Lurve ya !!

xMwahx

And ...im sure this is spelt wrong....'functional' ..

Evening all !!

Well....i have just taken this test...and was amazed at the result!!

''Your Sex Appeal is 7.9 out of 10
Beware of cute guys!!!''

And...before you ask...i answered the questions honestly!!

Me thinking it don't work

Give it a go....bet'cha can't beat my score ...LMAO

http://www.lets101.com/blog/quizzes/sex_appeal

xMwahx